When nesters return home

Just when you think you can breathe out and relax and admire the good job that you did with your  now  adult children…BAM!!!!!

One of them tells you they are moving back home. AAAAHHHHHH.

While it’s always nice to have family to stay it can be quiet daunting to have them move back in. So, do you say no and risk falling out with them or do you bite the bullet and say yes and open the doors. Not wanting to appear unwilling to help, avoiding certain questions and setting a deadline can prove to be a fatal mistake.

The ” family home” reverts to the place where everything is done by mum. No money for your keep  is required as the Bank of Mum has also opened for business again. Laundry, cooking and cleaning is all included. The difference is, the now ” adult” thinks that rules don’t apply anymore. So coming and going whenever is ok, eating the whole weeks shopping in 2 days is also ok. Lifts here and there, the loan of your car without asking if you need it,taking over the tv remote control, watching You tube on full volume while you try and watch your favourite programme, what have you let yourself in for?!!!

Asking for advice from friends is futile, some will tell you “are you crazy, your job is done as soon as they turn 18”. Others will remind you “no matter how old they are they are still your children” While the friends who don’t want to get involved simply tell you”do what’s best for you”. But, what is best for you, what should you do, how do you tell your grown up child that there is no room at the inn!!

When do you put yourself first? When do your dreams matter, do you forfeit your time to appease your child/children. Why do we feel guilty when we say no or enough is enough? Is this sense of entitlement from this generation a result of our bad parenting? Did we do too much for too long and now when they still expect you to put your life on hold why do we complain?

They say you don’t get a “how to manual” when you become a parent, that things come naturally, and of course they do. However, you sure as hell could use one when they get older because things don’t come naturally, in fact there are times when you look back at the baby years and wish it could all be as easy as it was then 🙂

I look over from my desk at the young man oblivious to his mothers writings and rantings. Oblivious to the fact that no matter what he does I will support him 100%. Try as always to give sound advice even if it falls on deaf ears, continue to help emotionally and financially until he can find his feet ….again.

Maybe I can write the “how to manual for your adult kids”. Now’ there’s a thought 🙂

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