When nesters return home

Just when you think you can breathe out and relax and admire the good job that you did with your  now  adult children…BAM!!!!!

One of them tells you they are moving back home. AAAAHHHHHH.

While it’s always nice to have family to stay it can be quiet daunting to have them move back in. So, do you say no and risk falling out with them or do you bite the bullet and say yes and open the doors. Not wanting to appear unwilling to help, avoiding certain questions and setting a deadline can prove to be a fatal mistake.

The ” family home” reverts to the place where everything is done by mum. No money for your keep  is required as the Bank of Mum has also opened for business again. Laundry, cooking and cleaning is all included. The difference is, the now ” adult” thinks that rules don’t apply anymore. So coming and going whenever is ok, eating the whole weeks shopping in 2 days is also ok. Lifts here and there, the loan of your car without asking if you need it,taking over the tv remote control, watching You tube on full volume while you try and watch your favourite programme, what have you let yourself in for?!!!

Asking for advice from friends is futile, some will tell you “are you crazy, your job is done as soon as they turn 18”. Others will remind you “no matter how old they are they are still your children” While the friends who don’t want to get involved simply tell you”do what’s best for you”. But, what is best for you, what should you do, how do you tell your grown up child that there is no room at the inn!!

When do you put yourself first? When do your dreams matter, do you forfeit your time to appease your child/children. Why do we feel guilty when we say no or enough is enough? Is this sense of entitlement from this generation a result of our bad parenting? Did we do too much for too long and now when they still expect you to put your life on hold why do we complain?

They say you don’t get a “how to manual” when you become a parent, that things come naturally, and of course they do. However, you sure as hell could use one when they get older because things don’t come naturally, in fact there are times when you look back at the baby years and wish it could all be as easy as it was then 🙂

I look over from my desk at the young man oblivious to his mothers writings and rantings. Oblivious to the fact that no matter what he does I will support him 100%. Try as always to give sound advice even if it falls on deaf ears, continue to help emotionally and financially until he can find his feet ….again.

Maybe I can write the “how to manual for your adult kids”. Now’ there’s a thought 🙂

Another year over

2018….. unlike most people I am not relieved that it’s over but rather looking back at what was and how to make 2019 better.

Forget the New Year resolutions and promising a complete 360 turn in everything you do,eat,wear, weigh,and the list goes on but the actual doing never lasts more than a month for most of us anyway.

In an effort to make 2019 better I am looking back on the highs and lows of 2018,and hopefully learn something from it all, so here goes 🙂

And in no particular order, a new addition came to our family 30th November weighing in at 8lb 5ozs a beautiful grandson. Bringing ever closer the fact that with 14 grand children I have to face the fact that age really is catching up with me.

I went back to work for my old employer which was brilliant, I am a workaholic but it keeps me young at heart and mentally healthy. I bought a little car just to go from A to B. Living in the countryside you need a car to get to the nearest shopping centre which is only 25 miles away but one hell of a walk . Joined an art class and learned to use oils and acrylics and made some new friends. Caught up on my reading, something I had neglected for almost a year. Gave up on the idea to join a gym. I gave myself 6 months to do it but realised quickly that it was never going to happen so May 1st I crossed it off the “to do list”. Eat healthier, loose weight and various other crazy notions that I had at the beginning of the year also got crossed off the list that very same day.

In an effort to stay in Ireland,looking for jobs and getting interviews was easy, however, the right job never came along. My old boss realised I was great and offered me a better job with the company, which I snapped up immediately. The only draw back was I had to go abroad for it…….well someone has to 🙂

My son, his partner and their 3 kids moved in temporarily, that’s a whole other blog for another day. A girls holiday in Fuerteventura proved that tiaras, tantrums, and strong opinions do not a great holiday make 🙂

On a lighter note 2018 saw the complete obliteration of all my underwear having been washed with a navy sock. Replacing the whole lot with the wrong size!! how the hell did that happen??. Bridget Jones eat your heart out!!! Driving a 112 mile round trip in an orange storm alert on closed roads. I never heard the warnings and thought the “no traffic” was due to my early start. Mistook a facial tick as a flirting technique and duly responded with my “Pageant” smile to a bewildered guy who asked if I needed help?!!! Took a day trip to Belfast and the Giants Causeway and the foreigners knew more about the places than me(shameful). Laughed till I almost peed, cried with happiness, frustration and tiredness, got angry, snappy and even weird with my kids all in the name of love. Bought clothes that didn’t fit and didn’t return them, shoes that were too tight, accessories I will never use, make-up that I don’t know how to apply, lotions , potions and creams that still haven’t shown any signs of improvements to my skin, hair or other bodily parts, a sure sign of boredom, craziness or both.

So what have you learned from all this I hear you ask.

Well, you will have to follow me and see how I fair out !!!

Rant of the week.

I recently read an article on ageism in the work place, especially for those of us on the wrong side of 40. It got me thinking so here is  some food for thought too.

In an age where we are all supposed to be politically correct, be accepting of everyone regardless of colour, creed or sexual preference, why is there such a divide when it comes to age??? Employers are overlooking experience and expertise for youth and cheaper labour costs. Being young doesn’t necessarily mean being better at a job, neither does being older mean being unfit or inept to be productive. So why are so many 40+ being overlooked for a younger candidate? Why is it so hard to get a good job just because you are over 40.

It’s not enough anymore  to just  say ” you are over qualified”, we all know what that means. I can understand, to an extent that it can be cost effective to hire younger less experienced staff ,but have employers ever wondered the true cost? The mature employee can bring to the table not only years of experience but a wealth of knowledge and lessons learned from mistakes made in the past, an understanding of people that only comes with age. I am not saying for a moment that employers should choose an older candidate just because of age , on the contrary, they must also be able to bring to the table everything the employer is looking for so that age doesn’t matter.

A friend was recently at an interview for a job, a job he had a lifetime of experience for. He was confident that he had a really good chance of getting the position. In the waiting room there were 2 other candidates  ,  they got chatting about their future. While my friend was interested in working with the company long term and focusing on sharing his skills and making a difference, the two other candidates were looking at this as a stepping stone while waiting for the ”right job ” to come along. All candidates of course are right . It  comes down to what a company is looking for ……cheaper labour costs with a fast turn around of staff, little or no loyalty and the time and energy to keep training new staff , then choose the younger candidate. But, if you want loyalty, experience, staff who will stick with you , drive your business forward, should it matter if they are over 40??

40 is the new 20 lol.

 

 

 

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A day in the life of super woman.

Some days I am a domestic goddess other days I am super woman, and today I am super woman.

You know what I mean.  A day that starts great, you wake up after a good sleep, the weather is not too bad, and life is good!!!

Today, is a super woman day, and I can conquer the world. Ok, first things first, every super woman needs a good breakfast to start the day, gives the  fuel to fire on all cylinders.

What to have for breakfast, that decision is easy today, no mulling over this  for me. Other mornings I’m on my second coffee before I decide what to eat….but, not today. Breakfast while watching the World news, a quick shower then I make my list for things to do today. This practise comes from two things:

1. I am a Capricorn, and we are methodical and organised and love achieving even small goals every day, so listing things makes it easy and motivates me  to complete the list however long it is.

2. I have been a hotel manager for more than 12 years and this is  common practise in the industry to have a daily ”to do list”. It also helps to prioritize things on the list and makes it easier and more efficient to manage your time.

List done, I sit back and read over what I have written down and make sure there is nothing I forgot . Sometimes, if I’m feeling more than super or maybe it’s boredom, I put an actual time limit on tasks  and try to achieve them within that time. Is that normal?? are some of you thinking ”hey, I do that too” or are you saying ”looser” hahaha. I actually get a sense of achievement if I can do everything under the time I set myself, I feel like I have accomplished something, yeahhh for me 🙂 little steps I say.

Having worked my entire adult life, I now find myself at loose end , so  I do these small things  to fill some of my  days. Where once I seemed to never have enough time to do my managerial tasks, I now have so much time on my hands I wonder how much work was I doing!!!!

So I turn on my super woman mode, shake of the feeling of defeat the creeps up every now and then, put a smile on my face, look in the mirror and remind myself that the world only has one of me , so I better get on with it.

Out the door to face the world, get my list done , smile and spread my super woman energy to everyone who passes, life is good, it may not be exactly how I want it right now, but, I WILL GET THERE…..after all I am SUPER WOMAN:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

A day in the life of a domestic Goddess

It’s not easy being a goddess. I tell myself that every day!!!   Positive affirmations start the day off in a great way. It gives me a reason to smile …even if it is because I don’t look like a goddess at 7 am in the morning, but at least if I feel like one inside I’m ok 🙂

This morning is a little different from my usual morning routine, not that I have a  USUAL one to start with. Some days I feel like I can conquer the world , other days it takes my 3 hours to decide to have a shower!!!  Today I have a ”to do list”

  • Check e-mails and reply to all.
  • Check my blog , write down some ideas that have been floating around in my head for a while.
  • Drop my daughter to work. Some mornings 7.30 other days it can be 10 or 12
  • Go to the gym and at least inquire about classes…….well  it’s a start.
  • Look at the job searches. Send  out some more CV’s.
  • In between all this have some kind of breakfast, it is the most important meal of the day .
  • Put on a wash.
  • Watch Loose Women (daily chat show for women) I love it and it makes me think about things but nothing too deep or too heavy.
  • Make my bed, tidy the bloody room. How can a room get so messy when there is only me using it???.
  • Big decision …..to go or not to go to the library. OMG !!! A while ago a big decision would have been concerning the monthly budget of a hotel.
  • What to have for lunch. Another mammoth decision that I have to make every day 🙂
  • Pick up my grandson from school.
  • Go for a good long walk. Fresh air and all that , keep fit and not feel too guilty about piling on weight. This is on my list everyday , but, I have yet to actually do it.
  • Potter around for a while , I am really good at this now, a newly acquired talent.
  • Time to drop my grand daughter to her part – time job in the next village.
  • On the way back drop into my middle daughter for a cuppa and a chat.
  • Back home for a few hours then collect my oldest daughter from work, drop her home.
  • Back to mine for a light dinner and make the return journey to get my grand daughter from her job and drop her home.

At last I can put my feet up , it’s 10:30pm.

Positive affirmations……a great way to start and end a hectic day and it’s ok if I didn’t get to do everything. Tomorrow is another day 🙂

 

Did you know………

My to do list for today

  1. Be grateful, for everything big and small.
  2. Be kind and mindful, we don’t know what people are going through.
  3. Let go of what I can’t control or change.
  4. Listen to my intuition.
  5. Be productive.
  6. Stay calm and smile.
  7. Breathe.

Every day I am going to try to do this and add something to it every day:) it’s a lot better than a New years resolution.