Forgiving Yourself

Stop replaying negative situations from your past over and over again in your mind.

Stop being a hostage to your past by reliving and over analysing your mistakes.

Don’t keep reminding yourself of the ‘could have’, ‘should have’ ‘would have’ events in your life.

RELEASE IT

LET IT GO

GET OVER IT

MOVE ON

 

Me, myself and God

The other day, I was travelling to the airport to pick up my son and my two grand daughters. I checked the flight time, the traffic and weather so that I could leave in plenty of time in case of unforeseen events.

I LIKE TO BE ON TIME. I hate being late for anything, and I hate when others are late for me.

20 minutes into the drive I saw the motorway warning that there had been a crash at the next junction and there was a delay of 10 minutes. Instantly I sent up a prayer for those involved, hoping that nobody was hurt or worse still dead. The traffic suddenly came to a stand still. This was the start of the delay. I wasn’t too bothered, I had left in plenty of time and this was ”the unforeseen event”. I glanced at the cars on each side of me and I got to thinking, ”how many of the drivers prayed for the people involved in the accident?? Did anyone else besides me do it?? Maybe their¬† prayer was for the traffic to move, or that they wouldn’t be late for work? but how many took the time to pray for someone else.

That got me adding another prayer to keep me safe on the remaining journey that was ahead of me, then I added for good measure that my kids, grandchildren, friends and anyone who knows me to be kept safe too. And so started my chat with the man above.

My friends will tell you I have epic chats with him at times, and this was just another chat.

Me: Good morning God, it’s me again. Sorry that I didn’t say good morning earlier(I usually say it as soon as I wake up). I know I am always asking for things from you, and today is the same. Keep the kids safe, help them today, you know where and how they need help, you know which one needs a light bulb moment so I won’t go through the list because you already know…..you’re God after all.

Keep the people in the accident safe too and if I’m the only one praying for them at least they have someone …right??If any of them died¬† take their souls to heaven. Help their families in the coming months with the hard time ahead .

Do you ever get exasperated God?? with your family, I mean mankind, we are your family, and I can’t imagine what you must think when you look down and see the carry on of us all. Don’t you ever despair at it all?? I know I do with my lot, and compared to you I shouldn’t complain at all. I wonder does anyone else think of you like this or am I the right side of a padded cell:) But someone should be mindful of your feelings, sometimes I think my lot forget I have feelings and I am just a means to an end. That’s why I’m always looking for your help, always asking questions, always looking to you for answers, some of which I should remind you that you haven’t answered yet. Ohh… sorry God, should I be talking to you like this, because you are God.

Hang on the traffic is moving…..hell just a few feet, the accident must be serious. How do you decide God, who lives , who dies, who survives something terrible and who doesn’t. Sometimes I wish I could talk to you face to face and ask all the questions that only you can answer…..but then I think…..no. I would be dead if that happened and I’m hoping I’m on¬† the end of any list you have regarding that. Do you have lists?? you know everything so I don’t suppose you do really, you don’t need one.

I look at the drivers on either side of me again, different people now, looking fed up, one is on the phone the other has his head cradled in his hand looking like he will fall asleep if the traffic doesn’t move soon. God, don’t let him fall asleep or I will never get to the airport on time.

The traffic moves slowly again, I can’t see anything only cars, the accident must be further up, that means I am way back , the clock is ticking, I still have time. What’s happening that the traffic is so slow, I hope it’s not a pile-up. I bet none of those people thought this would happen to them today.

On a different note God, I know I’m always asking you to put someone nice in my life, and I’m asking this a long time now , but can I ask that you make it sooner rather than later. Good things come to those who wait!!! but you don’t say how long the wait is!!!

I also know ”ask and you shall receive” and I know it’s always when the time is right, and all that , BUT and you already know this…you need to give me the heads up , coz I am really stupid when it comes to seeing signs.

Now I feel guilty for asking for something for myself, when someone could be dying on the road ahead. Is that why you don’t answer this particular prayer, I always ”slip” it into other prayers.

Well I put it out there again, and I will wait. Traffic moving a bit better now still no sign of what’s¬† causing the delay, slowly, slowly , but at least we are moving now.

Sorry for the bad language God, but I just hate when those smart asses fly up the inside lane to get ahead and then expect to be let into the lane where we have all been patiently waiting…it boils my blood. Why isn’t there a policeman at the end of that lane and hold them all till the rest of the traffic goes. That would teach them , but of course that would be the fair thing to do, and I let one of them go ahead of me. That’s my good deed for the¬† day ok!!!

The traffic starts to build up speed now and I can see the red and blue flashing lights ahead. The scene has all but been cleared away and there are hardly any signs that there was an accident at all. I look at the time and realise I have been chatting to you for an hour. Well thank you God for your company, it passed quickly and I enjoyed our chat. I have to fly now so I’m not late , but I’m sure there are loads waiting to chat and loads a lot worse off than me, so have a good day and I will have my usual chat with you at bedtime. By the way, don’t forget the nice man and a lotto win would be great too. Continue reading

Infectious smiling

hugging-smileys

Smiling is infectious,

You catch it like the flu.

When someone smiled at my today, I started smiling too.

I walked around the  corner and someone saw me grin.

When he smiled I realised, I’d passed it on to him.

I thought about the smile, then realised it’s worth.

A single  smile like mine could travel round the earth.

So if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected.

Start an epidemic and get the World infected.

                                                               Spike Milligan

You’re smiling now…aren’t you!!!!

 

Getting back in the saddle!!!

Almost a year ago I decided to come back home, quit my job as Hotel Manager and be nearer my family. It wasn’t a decision I made easily. I had become accustomed to warmer climate,a foreign language, working 12+ hours everyday with one free day. But, I loved it….I revelled in the excitement of new guests, every day being different, non stop holiday music, smiling faces and a pace that kept everyone’s weight low….but I loved it.

The comradery, the pressure, the constant checking and controlling staff, food, chefs and everything in between while running a great hotel  was my life , so you can imagine the abrupt stop I came to when I came home.

It’s ok I told myself, you’ll get used to it, it is what you want after all. I got busy getting to know everyone even better than I had, places that had changed or had completely gone, familiarising myself with a social system I had long forgotten. It took a lot less time then I had imagined. So next on the list (one of the many ”to do” lists I had), find somewhere to live….easy…..no, it turned out to be¬† a nightmare. The housing system or lack of it leaves a lot to be desired, and one office doesn’t know what the others are doing, so there is a constant miscommunication. Files being misplaced, application forms being lost, or so they said, never the same person dealing with the issue , so there is an irritating repetition of what you are looking for and your general information. Having got through it all, there is a waiting list to actually go on a waiting list!!! I’m beginning¬† to ask myself if this really is a good idea.

Anyway to cut a very long story short, I am now in my new home albeit a rented one, but it’s mine and I’m starting to settle down. Thoughts of what next keep creeping into my mind. I decided to start this blog by giving myself 1 year to decide what to do, hence the name of the blog:)

I travelled some and write about things important to me in the hopes to distress and maybe it would be a good read for some people.

The 365 days are almost up, it went faster than I thought it would and I’m not sure I achieved what I set out to, but I do know that I NEED TO WORK, not for financial reasons, although the money side is important. I have realised in this time that I am a people person, I am a workaholic, my brain needs stimulation, I like organising people and things, I love being a boss and I love to see staff exceed their own expectations, as well as the guests. I love watching people improve and get excited about their day, reaching for promotions and targets. Yes, I am a workaholic. But, you have to be passionate about it.

I want to share with people, my knowledge, my skills, and hopefully my work ethics, because for me I lead by example. They say if you’re away from the tourism business too long you miss out, so it’s time to get back in the saddle, but here’s where the dilemma lies, to do what I love and do it well only the same as before just in my home country or change careers and do something completely different and have more time on my hands. It’s one of those things that you wish someone would decide for you but you know nobody can, and even if someone could would I agree with their decision ūüôā

A recent article I read said from ages 0-18 is the easy time in your life, from 20 – 65 we work and from 65 on is a bonus. So why not do what you love to do in your working years. I don’t just want to work for the sake of working, doing something I don’t particularly like¬† or from pay cheque to pay cheque.

Getting back in the saddle isn’t as easy as it’s made out to be, do you get back in your old familiar saddle or do you go for the new one even if it’s on a smaller horse:))

thoughts and advice would be gratefully accepted.

Chat soon x

 

Does your name suit you??

Have you ever thought about your name?? Why was I given this name? Was there a special meaning to it, or was it a name your parents just liked and it suited your surname.

I have often wondered why my mother chose my name for me. I know I was named after my uncle, my mother’s youngest¬†brother and also after¬† Saint Gerard (Patron saint of expectant mothers)¬†but¬† I think that was it. Over the years I have often thought to ask my mother was there another reason she chose the name for me,¬†but I never got around to it. Now, it’s too late to ask and¬†I really wonder was it as simple as just naming me after my uncle.¬†In Ireland you had to be named after a saint or at the very least have a saint’s name as your second name. I wish there was a great story behind the reason for my naming but that was taken to the grave with my mother. So, I decided to find out about my name and see if it fitted me. New parents will often say ”he/she doesn’t look like a ……….”¬† Did I look like a Geraldine??What does a Geraldine look like ūüôā

My name originates in Germany and is the feminine of Gerard. Incidentally, I should have been baptised GeraRdine but the priest misread it as Geraldine so does my name really fit me?? The name means ”Ruler with the spear” and as I researched it more I discovered that the name really does suit me, the characteristics pertaining to the name is me!!! Strong in mind and ethics, a natural leader, good communicator, omg this was really me, I was starting to think that maybe there is something in this naming business.

Other traits, good and bad¬†described to a tee. Things like workaholic, stubborn, all fit me but how can my mother have known that the name would suit me so well. It’s like the chicken and egg …..did I look like a Geraldine , did my mother instinctively know what I would be like when she looked at me for the first time. How could she have known ? is it a motherly instinct , that come automatically when the baby arrives.

How did I know the names for my own children.!! When I looked at my first-born the name just came to me, my daughters names had been decided and then changed once they arrived.

In recent times , especially with celebrities the names of their children seem to be randomly chosen and I wonder in years to come will they wonder how the name was chosen…will there be a place to check out what the name means? will the name suit them too ….North……Blue……Willow, Pixie Coal dust etc, I wonder will the meaning of the name reflect the person, that will be interesting to see.

For me when my children came , I knew what their names should be, don’t ask me how. Looking back I did choose good names(is that bias). Out of curiosity I looked up the meanings and each name and the characteristics are exact. I also looked up the names I had picked for my daughters before they were born and surprise , surprise the names didn’t suit them at all , the character traits were really so wrong, so it was a good idea that I¬† changed the names.¬† Could it be that¬† we grow into our name , by some cosmic or Divine interception/ intervention. I wonder if I had stuck with the original names for my girls would they have turned out differently or their character any different or would they be as they¬† now regardless of their name??

Find out about your name …..see if it suits you, were your parents correct with your name.

Why did you give your child their name……..would love to get some feed back on this .

Chat again soon x

 

 

Sometimes late at night……

She remembers when she was a new mother, her heart almost bursting with love, watching her beautiful little girl sleeping. She wondered what would she grow up like. What would she do with her life. Looking at the angelic face she knew the world was/would be her oyster. At times , especially when she was sleeping or if she was sick¬†she would creep in to make sure she was ok…still breathing. She was always ok, sleeping peacefully, dreaming dreams, unaware of the twists and turns ¬†her life would take, or¬†the path she would go down.

Many years have gone by, she grew up to be a beautiful girl, she’s a head full of brains people said about her. She was beautiful inside and out. She had a kind heart too.¬†Soon¬†there ¬†would¬† be grand children. Her girl would have¬†her own kids and¬†she wouldn’t notice the years flying by.¬†She wouldn’t notice her little girl’s ¬†inner torment that she kept so well hidden from everyone.¬†She noticed her slim build, “Victoria Beckham is the same as me ” was what she would say to explain her weight loss. She ran everywhere, always on the go, always somewhere to be , someone to see. “I burn more calories than I put into my body she would say¬† matter of factly, ¬†and¬†that¬† was true. She had a fast metabolism, she didn’t eat a lot, never had time, or ate at work.¬†She believed her¬†because ¬†it was possible. She wanted to believe her beautiful daughter was ok, she wanted to believe that what she was telling her was true , but, somewhere deep. deep down in the pit of her stomach she knew she was being lied to. She wanted to ask, she could almost guess the answers but was so afraid that if she was told the truth it would be so bad that she might not be stand the pain it would inevitably cause.

And so now, too many years have gone by, unspoken words, sometimes harsh words, sometimes screaming to be heard words, sometimes speaking softly and gently to her , hoping she would understand the pain the family and ¬†her kids¬† had suffered by her decisions. Wanting more than anything to have that small girl back, the one with the bright eyes, the big smile , the head full of brains, but she was lost such¬†a long time ago, she wasn’t sure she would ever have that girl back again.

The full circle had come around. She remembers when she was a new mother, watching her beautiful girl sleeping, only now her outer beauty was fading but her inner beauty was still there and sometimes she got a glimmer of it. And just like when she was a little girl, she creeps in to watch her sleeping, to check she is ok, still breathing. She is ok, she’s not always ok, sometimes the bright eyed girl comes through, shining a light at the end of a long tunnel. Now in the other bedroom, lying awake listening to her breathing, shallow breaths, then a long one . She’s ok, she is still breathing, and if she’s breathing she is still alive. Alive to live another day. Maybe tomorrow would be the day her beautiful daughter would make the decision. The one that has been so hard to make, the one that would change her life and put her back on the right path, the one that would give her back to her family. Maybe tomorrow would be the day she says goodbye to¬†her demons ¬†for good.